Ben Shapiro’s Fox News Premiere Flies Off Rails, Second Episode Highly Unlikely

On Sunday, conservative golden boy Ben Shapiro premiered his election special show on Fox News. From the start, Shapiro got lost in his own strawman argument tangents. He was clearly not ready for primetime.

“Let’s say I accuse you of eating human babies,” Shapiro incoherently ranted within the first ten minutes. “I accuse you of boiling them, cutting them up, ingesting them with your eggs benedict each morning. You say I’m lying? Tell it to the FBI.” The show then abruptly cut to a commercial mid-lecture.

The key segment of Shapiro’s special was the rapid fire panel, which mimicked the format used by sports shows like Around The Horn on ESPN. Shapiro gave each subject two minutes and used a bell, which he did very liberally, to move the conversation at a rapid pace. “We’ll have a ding bell to move things along or if I’m bored. Because… clocks don’t care about your feelings,” Shapiro explained.

The first panel Shapiro oversaw consisted of a Shapiro employee, sports commentator and conservative comedian. The crew tackled Kavanaugh’s supreme court nomination first. “My basic feeling is if I saw someone doing what he’s alleged of doing to my sister, I’d beat him with a baseball bat,” Shapiro claimed after vehemently defending Kavanaugh’s rape(s). “I’d break his neck,” Andrew Klavan, Shapiro’s employee, replied.

Jason Whitlock, a sports commentator then weighed in, “listen, we have a President that got away… was accused of rape. I think we’ll survive.” Shapiro looked down, avoiding eye contact and nodded in approval.

The next topic was football and Kapernick. “I think, uhhh,” conservative comedian Allie Stuckey started before being cut off by Shapiro’s bell. “Yeah, this just shows no matter what capitalism wins, no matter what the perspective is. If you can sell it, including… alleged sweat shops in foreign countries.”

The rapid fire panel ended in an extremely awkward exchange between Shapiro and Whitlock. The former explained that he, “tells a lot of people that he’s Denzel Washington.” Shapiro agreed, “Yeah you do look like Denzel Washington,” followed by an awkward silence, which Shapiro broke by saying definitively, “And not… Because you’re black!” The panel all laughed.

Amongst these noted incidents, Shapiro also bombed a Bernie Sanders impression and dropped several racist jokes. A second episode is highly unlikely, sources say.

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