Dave Rubin is a gay married conservative man and leading figure in the intellectual dark web. He is also a famous stand up comedian, known for his crowd-work where he questions the audience about their sexual preferences and political leanings.

Despite his prestigious accolades, Rubin is now caught up in a potentially bombshell scandal. While on tour with Dr. Jordan Peterson, Rubin allegedly snapped a selfie outside of a Chick-Fil-A and posted it on Twitter saying, “Hi, I’m Dave. I’m married to a dude and eat chicken sandwiches whenever I want.”

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Upon closer inspection the selfie seems like it could have been manufactured and not actually taken at a Chick-Fil-A. One Twitter user noted, “The wall is sheet metal, I think he staged this with garbage that he spray painted the logo on. Can’t confirm, but I’m hearing that’s what happened.”

Investigators then began to study the selfie closely. By looking at Rubin’s glasses reflection it is clear he is in an abandoned alleyway. “This looks like an alley where someone pissed all over,” one investigator noted. “Look at the rope, he’s not at Chick-Fil-A.”

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Abandoned alley that Rubin inhabited during alleged selfie

Additional questions arose as investigators continued researching the case. “Why would he be eating sandwiches in a pissed up alley? Look at that puddle. That’s piss. I wish it wasn’t piss, but it’s piss. Really sick stuff.”

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The piss puddle in question

Twitter Speculation has begun to peak regarding Dave’s motives behind the selfie, which seem convoluted at best.

One now-former fan of Rubin’s insisted that the piss smell would be too great for any sensible human to be able eat anything while engulfed in the smell of warm urine, let alone a sandwich filled with mayonnaise and processed chicken meat fried by a worker making minimum wage. “Dave is obviously lying about where he is in this photograph. It upset me because, until now, I enjoyed his standup where he asked the crowd what their sexual preference was or if they were black or whatever. I’m done with Dave. Wait, that might be a good hashtag. #DoneWithDave. Maybe it’ll catch on. Hashtag- #DoneWithDave.”

Rubin’s alleged selfie(s) and anti-Rubin hashtags are an open, on-going Bernard Media investigation. More information will be provided as it is made available.

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